2009....just end. Before I fucking choke you.

This year really does get better by the day.....LOL.
It's 5am and I totally can't sleep. I guess I'm still buzzing after New Moon. It was much truer to the book than I could have imagined and the wolf animations were fantastic. I have to be up in a few hours for shitty Uni. At least I get to go to Glasgow afterwards for my flute lesson then home for a night. I can visit my Papa - which I've been dying to do- who is still in hospital and now has MRSA in his blood.
Marvellous.
I had such a good day with Lorna today. It was a solid eight hour long deep chat about everything. I feel so bad for her. She was made so many promises, all of which are broken - not to mention her heart - her spirit - her faith. It makes me realise how quickly love can fall apart...and how- for no reason or fault - it can just run away and ....well...disappear. People change and feelings change - situations change. Emotions are manipulated by these changes and in most cases, it is inevitable that someone will be hurt. Therefore, more often than not..does this not conclude that change is bad? I suppose if nothing changed then life would be thoroughly dull. Spontaneity is one of life's wonderful and complicated mysteries. Then again...when we are content, aren't we happy to remain unchanged? If only change could be a choice rather than an inevitability. Those of us contented, would remain unchanged...and those discontent, could change.
Strange and absurd way of thinking, maybe...but this seems to be the norm when it comes to relationships. A conflict - between those content with the relationship and those discontent. Why must the discontented always win? Why aren't the feelings of the contented considered?
(Obviously, this rant has holes and I am clearly disregarding the discontented who have valid reasons to be so.)
If a person changes and decides it's not right for them...why is it in their power to destroy? It seems unfair.
Love is about growing together, not growing apart.
Love should grow but with unchanging infrasrtuctures.

This seems like a completely pointless and confusing blog entry. I guess I'm very tired...extremely emotional and just feel bad for those being hurt unneccesarily lately.

I am more than blessed to be more than contented.
God gives me a hard time because he gave me you to look after me.
I don't say it enough but thank you for being my rock.
Thank you for keeping promises.
Thank you for putting me back together even though it's never you who breaks me.

Thank you for pulling us together as every foundation around me falls apart.

I love you.

All Progger - No Blogger.

Hi Blog, where you been?
Well I have been living in two cities for the past couple of weeks. The Angel of Death seems to favour my family and I ask you ..please...NO MORE.
I'm beginning to believe it's actually my fault. Stupid and irratic I know but I seem to be the common denominator..Haha.. Ironic because I do loathe Maths.
So today I attended my 4th funeral of 2009. Thank God the year is almost over.
I am actually so tired. So tired of travelling...so tired of crying...tired of missing my Mum..tired of worrying about my poor hospitalised Papa...tired tired tired of Uni and walking up that fucking hill. Yes I know what you're thinking..I AM a moan..and I shouldn't moan because I know there are much more horrendous things going down in other peoples lives. So yeah maybe I should stop.
Yeah.

Oh... I love Biffy's new album...except the Born on a Horse song...because the lyrics are gay.

Self Declaration

It is official.

I am emotionally unstable.

I need to vent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahem.

Fleet Foxes

Divulging into some recent gig-age and foxes were spectacular. Not in a "let's all jump about go crazy" kind of gig -- more of a "let's stand and appreciate people's perception of good music" kind of gig. I had goosebumps the whole time, they truly blew me away.

I moved to Edinburgh and I've been here for over a week. A lot of that time, sadly, I have to say has been spent on my own. Despite the recent, lovely bonding with my new flat mates and the start of what looks to be, a very complex and difficult degree...I still don't feel like I belong here. I miss my family and I really really want to ask for salt and vinegar and red sauce on my chips...and not get looked at like a complete moron. It's not much to ask, really.

Someone take me home.

Slàinte!

So I just had the most fantastic four days in Ath Claith (Dublin). We had pints of Guinness, laughs and crazy long walks across Ireland's capital. The Ghost Bus Tour was definitely a highlight, along with late night walks, pints costing over 5 euros, typical sight seeing and sexy time on tap. It was the best time I have ever had. It makes me sad that it's over- but I only have a few weeks left at home. Yes, I found the most amazing flat. Two floors of wonder, a beautiful bedroom with a view of Arthur's Seat, and also, an amazing Chicky called Charlotte, who I know already is going to be an amazing friend. I am excited but afraid... I can't wait but cannot see it far enough. I don't know how to feel about it but after the first hurdle, I think I will be fine. Anyway- Dublin!! - We saw the Castle, Trinity College, St Steven's Green, O'Connell Street, Temple Bar, The Guinness Storehouse, Grafton Street and much much more. I have seen so much and would go back in a second. Concentrated time with Grant was amazing and we had good good times. I miss him already but I know he will be super busy this week. Can't wait for A Torn Mind's EP - Barriers coming out. Anyway, I will love you and leave you. Had an amazing day with Claire last week and I am looking forward to some days out with Cam and also with Lorna. Bring on the rest of the summer. 

I will miss waking up to the most perfect face I have ever seen.

But I guess I can cope with that for now :-). Going to have plenty of time with some amazing people when I move out on the 1st of September. 

Love love love!!!

Paula

xxxx

Words become...superfluous.

Jasper /\

Sparky \/

They have been my little buddies for a few months now.

I just thought I would share the cuteness.

x

I am so visceral yet deeply inept.

So things haven’t been going brilliantly lately. I start uni soon, in ten days time I won’t have a job and I have nowhere to live. All in all I may have to resort to a tiny double bedroom in a nice flat, in a nice area with nice people. It doesn’t sound too terrible but hell do I have a lot of bits and pieces. So as I sat watching Sex & the City last night, I found myself inundated in magical Manhattan – where cocktails are sexy and the shoes are way too expensive – and I couldn’t help but wonder... will it be sexy in the city?.

After much deliberation- I came to an unequivocal conclusion. Yesterday morning I woke to the remarkable face of someone astounding who would undoubtedly move the earth to make me smile.

I am happy.

So bring it on. 

Let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.

11:15pm 15th July 2009 and I was comfortably sitting in an over-packed cinema eagerly awaiting the inauguration of Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince. Chloé, Lou and I spent 2 hours 33 minutes and 19 seconds of laughter, tears and biting all of our nails off.. It was without a single solitary doubt, the best Harry Potter film so far. Don't get me wrong, they missed out a lot and added haphazard moments but it was still incredible. There wasn't a dry eye when Dumbledore died...I witnessed grown men cry. There was even profuse applause at the beginning and the end. I know people who are reading this probably think I'm really sad, but I love Harry Potter and now that the books are finished, I have only one more film to cling on to. On the bright side, there are three more Twilight films.
I messed around with Mollie and Euan today. Having succeeded in getting them both sufficiently hyper, I went to the bank to sign for my lovely interest free student bank account and credit card. Work was good fun, Thomas has been off for a month because his little sister has been really unwell. She's down in London Hospital just now waiting on a transplant - he's totally cut up it's such a shame. He came back tonight though and it was good to catch up. Pretty much everyone from the team has holidays in the next few weeks, so tonight they presented me with a nice card and amazing photo collage in a gorgeous frame. It was so sweet of them and I'm going to miss those crazy cats.
I have been spending some quality, well-needed time with Grant this past week. We've been to the beach, had a bbq, went to Glasgow Science Centre and Planterium which was AMAZING, and even made smarties cakes at 1am. I'm really going to miss him when he goes to Poland. I know it's only three days but I guess I'm just sad that way. We've been working on Quay songs and I'm very excited about it all.
University is fast approaching and I am yet to find lodgings. Help.

I adore you all.

Goodnight.

xxx

It’s Sunday evening and I haven’t done anything particularly productive with my weekend. Friday night at Cam’s was fun... it was really lovely to see her Chris, Ryan and Grant. I hardly ever get to hang out with everyone at once except for gigs. Today has been predominantly boring. I’m watching brand spanking new Family Guy, which isn’t half as funny as it used to be. I guess I am compensating for my adolescent dip into Disney today. After my illegal screening of Beauty and the Beast & The Little Mermaid, I felt emotional about auctioning off my childhood memories at next week’s car boot sale. I’m going to be selling the majority of my childhood to Lanark strangers but hey I need the money.  Flat hunting is proving uneventful and meaningless. There is nothing within my area or budget. I don’t think I have the option of the heinous commute that I suffered for two years. In saying that, I don’t regret a single moment of traipsing through treacherous rain, snow and traffic.

 Hopefully tomorrow will be a more proactive day. I get to file in the evening...splendid. I really am longing to see Ice Age 3 in 3D at the IMAX but no one could accompany me today. I received my welcome pack for Napier University yesterday. £30 for Fresher’s Week is an absolute scandal. I think I will have a thorough read through tomorrow.

On a splendidly lighter note I’m so thrilled about the 15^th of July.

Not only is it an Orange Wednesday but it’s Harry Potter and the Half-Blood FREAKIN Prince.

 

Oh my.

 

Over & out x. 

We'll Toast the Air, The Sky.

So, it's  11.59 am and I woke up twenty minutes ago. Normally, this would be cool but I was supposed to start work at 10 am. Bad bad times. I put in for a holiday last Thursday though to get today off. It hadn't been processed yet but hopefully it was. No one has phoned me anyway so I'm guessing it's all cool. Being twenty years old is so NOT cool. I did not want to wake up to a letter from the NHS explaining that because I'm twenty, they want to probe around in places that should not be probed around in. I want to be like Peter Pan - I don't want to grow up. It's not just the embarrassing NHS examinations though, it's lots of things. Growing up just makes everything complicated. Now I have to move out, pay my own way, get my own food shopping, pay bills... it's just basically going to suck. Not only growing up but also growing out means I'm having to sacrifice scrumptious delicacies for... well... Special K. I spent an hour on the Wii Fit the other night, It doesn't sound much but If you actually do all muscle workouts, yoga and aerobic exercises you get a really good work out. Unfortunately I haven't been physically able to walk since then, all my muscles have went into shock having been sleeping for so long and are putting up a mighty protest. Walking down stairs like you've soiled yourself is not attractive in any way. Last night I was over at Lou's for dinner with Chloe, Ross and Stuart. It was such a funny night! We ate some Spag Bol ( or in my case, just Spag) and just talked. We reminisced about school and shared hilarious and ridiculous stories. We then made a really funny video which I will post as soon as I get it from Lou. I then took Ross, Stuart and Chloe home around 1ish and was thankful to sink in to my bed. Only to find that I couldn't get to sleep...Hoorah! So I blame my 4am sleeping habits for sleeping in for work. I'm leaving soon anyway so I doubt I'll get into too much trouble. Tonight I really could have done with spending some time with Grant but I'm having to go to Michelle's leaving party. He's coming of course but I have to take Steve home after it then drive all the way back to Livi because Grant has work the next day. Why can't I just say no to people? Anyway, I better head off and do something proactive with my day. I'm torn between the gym and shopping. Blantyre gym then the Fort I think is the way forward. I still have to spend the Topshop voucher that the lovely Claire and Euan gave me for my birthday. :)xx

HSBC Scum.

Apparently I am not worthy of working for the "World's Local Bank" any more. It does not suffice that I am leaving in August...oh no... The power must be snatched. To be honest, I loathe the job. Truly loathe it. Despite my ever growing hatred for one of the few banks not to go dick up in the current economic downfall, it does pay for my wheels and for my social sanity. It also pays for the confidence lapses, which seem to occur so frequently these days. I'm spending more and more on clothes to make me feel better. Typical female, I guess but extra hormones make us extra sensitive. I'll be damned if I'm deprived of something pretty to make me feel better about myself. College, now finished, sees my own governmental-certified brand of heroin, go pretty much down the lavvy. SAAS provided me with such a lifeline. No SAAS and no wage after July, sees my 'merry-making, fun-loving, holiday-filled summer days' numbered. How many can there be with rent, a car, a laptop and unexplainably expensive Poulenc Sonatas to pay for? My guess is four. Four fun-filled, sensationally wonderful days in Ireland's capital. That's all I want from this summer. 

If you so wish to donate to the downfall of Paula fund, all monies, cheques and cuddles can be made payable to my address. After all, we are a giving world. So giving, in fact, that we gave millions of people copious amounts of money that we simply did not have... So much money, that even the most thriving of banks have to make job cuts.

What prats.

11 Hour Slog

I'm really beginning to wish I had spent more time on college work rather than doing most of it now ( which is the night before the hard deadline). My bad. Mother dear doesn't seem interested in speaking to me today at all. I miss Grant! He larfs when I make a funny. I need to socialise...someone speak to me...PLEASE! I have no idea why I'm writing this anyway because I don't have any followers...yes that's right! So I'm off to slog some more and play a lament on my violin.

Jokes.

Smaaaaaaaash

I can't believe all of the things I have accomplished before 12pm. I've cleaned the entire house, lovingly left for me to do on my own... did an essay, and successfully scared the bajeezes out of everyone in my entire estate. The wonderful festivities of Tuesday night took its toll on a rather weak handled bin bag, causing an array of wine and beer bottles to go thundering down my very echoey close stairway. Just when I thought things couldn't get any more embarrassing, the window cleaner, who was happily minding his own business across the street, came to see if everything was okay. He thought someone had thrown themselves out of a window. His worst nightmare I guess. Anyway, I just thought I would share that terribly boring, yet tragic event with you all. I'm off to college for the last time today. I'm sure I'll have a smashing time.

Ha.

Era

It's hard to think I will never see some of these wonderful people again. Oddly, last year I would have happily left college. Having had not much time to make any real friends due to countless hours aboard trains, leaving would have been easy. But not now. Having bonded with my peers and finding amongst them the most precious of friendships, I am glad that I stayed. Consequently, it has made leaving now much more difficult.
I know it is time to push forward onto bigger and better things but it will be imposible to find bigger and better friends than the ones I have now. College has given me so much, taught me so much, made me a better person, even. Therefore I dedicate my first post to Stevenson College - for giving me wisdom, ability, integrity, friendship...and love.