1 year on...

I don't know how to be me without you. 

2009....just end. Before I fucking choke you.

This year really does get better by the day.....LOL.
It's 5am and I totally can't sleep. I guess I'm still buzzing after New Moon. It was much truer to the book than I could have imagined and the wolf animations were fantastic. I have to be up in a few hours for shitty Uni. At least I get to go to Glasgow afterwards for my flute lesson then home for a night. I can visit my Papa - which I've been dying to do- who is still in hospital and now has MRSA in his blood.
Marvellous.
I had such a good day with Lorna today. It was a solid eight hour long deep chat about everything. I feel so bad for her. She was made so many promises, all of which are broken - not to mention her heart - her spirit - her faith. It makes me realise how quickly love can fall apart...and how- for no reason or fault - it can just run away and ....well...disappear. People change and feelings change - situations change. Emotions are manipulated by these changes and in most cases, it is inevitable that someone will be hurt. Therefore, more often than not..does this not conclude that change is bad? I suppose if nothing changed then life would be thoroughly dull. Spontaneity is one of life's wonderful and complicated mysteries. Then again...when we are content, aren't we happy to remain unchanged? If only change could be a choice rather than an inevitability. Those of us contented, would remain unchanged...and those discontent, could change.
Strange and absurd way of thinking, maybe...but this seems to be the norm when it comes to relationships. A conflict - between those content with the relationship and those discontent. Why must the discontented always win? Why aren't the feelings of the contented considered?
(Obviously, this rant has holes and I am clearly disregarding the discontented who have valid reasons to be so.)
If a person changes and decides it's not right for them...why is it in their power to destroy? It seems unfair.
Love is about growing together, not growing apart.
Love should grow but with unchanging infrasrtuctures.

This seems like a completely pointless and confusing blog entry. I guess I'm very tired...extremely emotional and just feel bad for those being hurt unneccesarily lately.

I am more than blessed to be more than contented.
God gives me a hard time because he gave me you to look after me.
I don't say it enough but thank you for being my rock.
Thank you for keeping promises.
Thank you for putting me back together even though it's never you who breaks me.

Thank you for pulling us together as every foundation around me falls apart.

I love you.

All Progger - No Blogger.

Hi Blog, where you been?
Well I have been living in two cities for the past couple of weeks. The Angel of Death seems to favour my family and I ask you ..please...NO MORE.
I'm beginning to believe it's actually my fault. Stupid and irratic I know but I seem to be the common denominator..Haha.. Ironic because I do loathe Maths.
So today I attended my 4th funeral of 2009. Thank God the year is almost over.
I am actually so tired. So tired of travelling...so tired of crying...tired of missing my Mum..tired of worrying about my poor hospitalised Papa...tired tired tired of Uni and walking up that fucking hill. Yes I know what you're thinking..I AM a moan..and I shouldn't moan because I know there are much more horrendous things going down in other peoples lives. So yeah maybe I should stop.
Yeah.

Oh... I love Biffy's new album...except the Born on a Horse song...because the lyrics are gay.

Self Declaration

It is official.

I am emotionally unstable.

I need to vent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahem.

Fleet Foxes

Divulging into some recent gig-age and foxes were spectacular. Not in a "let's all jump about go crazy" kind of gig -- more of a "let's stand and appreciate people's perception of good music" kind of gig. I had goosebumps the whole time, they truly blew me away.

I moved to Edinburgh and I've been here for over a week. A lot of that time, sadly, I have to say has been spent on my own. Despite the recent, lovely bonding with my new flat mates and the start of what looks to be, a very complex and difficult degree...I still don't feel like I belong here. I miss my family and I really really want to ask for salt and vinegar and red sauce on my chips...and not get looked at like a complete moron. It's not much to ask, really.

Someone take me home.

Slàinte!

So I just had the most fantastic four days in Ath Claith (Dublin). We had pints of Guinness, laughs and crazy long walks across Ireland's capital. The Ghost Bus Tour was definitely a highlight, along with late night walks, pints costing over 5 euros, typical sight seeing and sexy time on tap. It was the best time I have ever had. It makes me sad that it's over- but I only have a few weeks left at home. Yes, I found the most amazing flat. Two floors of wonder, a beautiful bedroom with a view of Arthur's Seat, and also, an amazing Chicky called Charlotte, who I know already is going to be an amazing friend. I am excited but afraid... I can't wait but cannot see it far enough. I don't know how to feel about it but after the first hurdle, I think I will be fine. Anyway- Dublin!! - We saw the Castle, Trinity College, St Steven's Green, O'Connell Street, Temple Bar, The Guinness Storehouse, Grafton Street and much much more. I have seen so much and would go back in a second. Concentrated time with Grant was amazing and we had good good times. I miss him already but I know he will be super busy this week. Can't wait for A Torn Mind's EP - Barriers coming out. Anyway, I will love you and leave you. Had an amazing day with Claire last week and I am looking forward to some days out with Cam and also with Lorna. Bring on the rest of the summer. 

I will miss waking up to the most perfect face I have ever seen.

But I guess I can cope with that for now :-). Going to have plenty of time with some amazing people when I move out on the 1st of September. 

Love love love!!!

Paula

xxxx

Words become...superfluous.

Jasper /\

Sparky \/

They have been my little buddies for a few months now.

I just thought I would share the cuteness.

x